There is a common verbal tic in fancy liberal non-profit circles of prefacing almost everything one says with some variant on “I think.”
“I think the case for that is Exxon Mobile v. Allapattah”
“I believe it costs $7”
“I’m pretty sure it’s over here”
Invariably, the statements so qualified turn out to be correct.
It is the nicest and most conscientious people who use these qualifications. Nevertheless, they are a complete waste of everyone’s time.
Why? Because the more that people use qualifiers, the more that other people are forced to use them. Why? Because the meanings of words are simply their conditions of use. One condition of use is the certainty of the speaker. If other people use lots of qualifiers, you have to as well.
This is because of a quirk of the English language: qualifiers usually do not signal explicit levels of certainty. Instead, we signal certainty using qualifiers that have a rank order of confidence.
Common qualifiers in ranked order are:
- “Don’t quote me, but it might be…”
- “It might be…”
- “I think it might be…”
- “I think it’s…”
- “I’m pretty sure it’s…”
- “It’s…” [No qualifier]
- “I’m sure that it’s…”
- “It’s definitely…”
- “I’m absolutely certain that it’s…”
- “Trust me. It’s…”
- “I swear to God. It’s…”
Some of them are phrased as expressions of probability or credence. Others are phrased as solicitations of trust. But the difference is mostly superficial.
When one explicitly uses a probabilistic/credence qualifier, there is an implicit recommendation that you should/should not rely the assertion, given it’s high/low probability.
Similarly, when one solicits trust, there is an implicit assertion that one is certain enough that trust is merited.
Functionally, probability qualifiers and trust-solicitation qualifiers are equivalent most of the time.
But very few of our qualifiers are phrased in terms of explicit probabilities. People don’t go around saying “I am 78% sure that X.” People instead say “I’m pretty sure that X.”
Even some qualifiers that appear to signal explicit probabilities actually do not. For example, one could interpret “I’m certain that X” to mean “There is a 100% probability that X.” But, you shouldn’t. Yes, in some abstract sense, certainty is believing in a 100% probability of truth. But the practical sense of certainty is different. Saying “I’m certain that X” doesn’t signal a 100% probability in normal speech. Otherwise, we wouldn’t need the phrase “I’m absolutely certain that X.” You wouldn’t think that someone lied to you if they told you they were certain that Chicago is west of Atlanta because they were 99.5% sure. You understood what they meant because they spoke in the conventional way. Qualifiers aren’t tied to explicit probabilistic benchmarks.
Instead, meanings are tied to use ad-hoc. You know how certain other people are when they say “I’m pretty sure that X” because you know how often they turn out to be right. So, you know how certain you should be in order to say “I’m pretty sure that X.” You just need to be as certain as other people are. You need to be as likely to be right as other people are when they use that qualifier.
This has two implications:
First, A SPEAKER should try to conform to the behavior of other speakers. They should use the qualifiers that everyone else uses if they want to inform.
Second, A LANGUAGE is best and most efficient if unqualified speech is the most common.
That is, there is a normal amount of certainty that you have when you speak most of the time. It is best if the typical person, in that circumstance, says what they mean without qualification. If the typical way to start a sentence is with “I think that…” then everyone’s time is being wasted. Not only is time wasted, mind is wasted. Sentences with extra clauses are more difficult to parse and to construct, and so thought is constrained. So, it would be best if the regular degree of certainty were attached to the shortest, simplest sentences.
But, if wishes were horses…
Instead, there are many domains and communities in which people are constantly saying “I think that” and almost never saying “I’m certain that.”
[In this (as in so many cases) the French are the only people who know how to live. In French discourse, there is almost perfect parity between use of crois and of certainement. Many lovely flowers bloom in the soil of French arrogance.]
I’m sure you know the communities where speech is loaded in qualifiers. They’re the nice liberal communities where parents listen to NPR and you hear the phrase “people experiencing homelessness.” They’re the communities where conservative boys all think they’re oppressed and everyone is appalled at spanking. Sociology departments. Park Slope. Yale.
Why does this happen? Here are some reasons.
First, people don’t want to turn out to be wrong. They especially don’t want to turn out to be wrong on a matter that someone relied on. So, people would rather appear less confident than they really are than appear more confident than they really are. Highly agreeable and conscientious people will be especially afraid of appearing more confident than they are, since they don’t want anyone to incorrectly rely on them.
Second, people in these communities just do not like you to be confident. They sympathize with the meek and the shy. They dislike the bold and the cocksure. So, if you want to be liked, adding qualifiers is an easy way to do it. These are highly egalitarian communities. They don’t like it when you make a big splash.
Third, these are high agreeability communities where it is considered rude to contradict or question people. Think of every time you’ve gone to a seminar and seen a transparent flaw in the speaker’s argument but you didn’t say anything.
[I have no model for why fancy Americans act this way. Elites in America, England, and Canada have strong norms against overt disagreement or candor. This manifests in American pathological positivity and English shyness. Scots, Irish, Dutch, Germans, and Australians do not have these norms, despite being similar cultures.]
Despite these norms against contradiction, you are allowed to question people who aren’t very confident. If someone says “I think that X,” it’s easy to ask why they think so. If someone instead says “X,” it’s a little rude. That means that if someone wants to be maximally informative, they should under-signal their confidence. That way, others can comfortably inquire further.
But the trouble is that you end up on a treadmill where everyone races to appear less confident than they really are, and in the end qualifiers have consumed clarity. This resembles the Euphemism Treadmill where you try to avoid using words with negative connotations, so your new words get the same connotations the old ones had for the exact same reasons the old ones did.
And, the communities where everyone is using too many qualifiers are exactly the places where the euphemism treadmill runs in high gear.
Both euphemisms and qualifiers are also similar to tipping. Tipping is a nice thing to do. While there is a relatively standard tipping amount, it’s not perfectly solid. Should you tip 18%? Should you tip 20%? The nice thing to do is to tip more than is usual. But that means that if everyone is nice, then tipping amounts go up over time (typical tip in 1970 was 15%).
However, in the long run, more tips don’t mean waiters end up with higher compensation. As tip amounts increase, official wages will go down, since tips are priced into the wages of waiters and costs of meals set by the market. Tip amounts don’t change the actual supply and demand for waiters. Unfortunately, tips are worse than wages for lots of reasons, and a system where most waiter compensation is in tips is a bad system. So, over time, the world gets worse because everyone is being nice.
My point is, stop using so many fucking qualifiers.